Title: Love in a Perfect World
Date: February 19, 2008
Text: Song of Songs 2:7, 8:7
STORY
- I stand by the bed where a young woman lies after an operation on her face, her mouth twisted. A tiny twig of the facial nerve, the one to the muscles of her mouth, has been severed. She will be thus from now on.
- I had followed with religious fervor the curve of her flesh; I promise you that. Nevertheless, to remove the tumor in her cheek, I had to cut the little nerve.
- Her young husband is in the room. He stands on the opposite side of the bed and together they seem to dwell in the evening lamplight, isolated from me, private. Who are they, I ask myself, he and this wry mouth I have made, who gaze at and touch each other so lovingly?
- The young woman speaks. "Will my mouth always be like this?" she asks.
- "Yes," I say, "it will. It is because the nerve was cut."
- She nods and is silent. But the young man smiles. "I like it," he says, "It is kind of cute."
- Unmindful, he bends to kiss her crooked mouth and I am so close I can see how he twists his own lips to accommodate to hers, to show her that their kiss still works.
(Adapted from Richard Selzer, M.D., Mortal Lessons: Notes on the Art of Surgery, 1978, pp. 45-6).
INTRODUCTION
- Love like this takes time to grow, it is a deep love that withstands storms
- We are used to getting what we want, now – 5 minutes waiting is too long
- And sure enough, we do get it now – we get an addiction after experimenting with our friends, we get poverty after gambling all our money at the casino, we get gonorrhea or syphilis or AIDS from our casual sex
- Now does not always work all that well
- God has better things for us, but it take time to get it right
- It takes a lifetime for our minds to be totally renewed
- Today we are going to be talking about a sensitive subject
- I am going to ask of you to treat this subject with the respect it deserves, because it can make a huge difference to your happiness after graduating from the program
- This morning we are going to look at three Hebrew words: raya, ahava and dode
Three words of love
- I love tacos and I love my wife
- The word love is used in different ways
- Three Hebrew words are used for love – three flames
- Raya – to love a friend, a companion, a soulmate – its core is friendship
- Ahava – a deep affection, desire to be with the other person with passion, would rather be with her than anywhere else – it is as strong as death, can’t be quenched – it is a decision to join two lives – it is not a fleeting feeling – it makes things last
- Dode – means to arouse, rock, fondle, drink – equivalent to greek word eros meaning erotic love
- When a man and a woman get together, all three forms of love are united – a picture of a deeper spiritual reality
- Sex is ultimately spiritual, meant to endure forever
- But so often we want the whole bonfire, made up of all three flames, from just the dode flame on its own
- When you separate the flames it does not satisfy
- True sexuality is more than just a body experience
- When it is time for us to explore this territory, we want the full experience, not a cheap shortcut
Treasure love
- True love is a precious thing, it endures for a lifetime
- SoS 8:7 Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised
- So often we may be satisfied with momentary dode love, the sexual love
- But dode love on its own, outside of the context of marriage, is sinful
- When I first married, I had known my wife for four years
- We were close friends, but without having become involved romantically
- We supported each other through things that happened in our individual lives, and we were there for each other
- Leni was my best friend
- I got to know Leni while I was living in Holland
- We met on the train, going to church
- It was not time for us to marry – it was a time for RAYA
- I was 26 but my emotions were still messed up from my past
- I recognized my problems, at least partially
- And I respected Leni
- I did not want to accelerate our friendship into romance until we were ready for it
- SoS 2:7 “I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles or by the does of the field, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases.”
- We could have been married right away, but then we would probably have ended up as one more painful divorce statistic
- We waited till the time seemed right, after having been close friends for 4 years
- Then one weekend I suddenly saw Leni in a new light
- We danced one night and it was as though we were meant for each other, it was so perfect – AHAVA had arrived
- We counseled with our minister and after an engagement period of 6 months, we were married
- I have no regrets about how we did things
- We had our ups and downs
- I believe my past intruded into our marriage and it caused trouble in our relationship
- But because we respected each other and had a solid RAYA foundation, we were able to weather the storms
A time and a place
- Here in the program is not the time to experiment with building relationships
- There is a time and a place for everything
- Now is the time to focus on getting your life sorted out, so that you can be the right husband or wife, so your past will no longer have such a big impact on your future marriage
- Later on, when we ask God to lead us to the right person, we will meet that special someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life
- Take time, savor the experience
- Enjoy the time of friendship, get to know each other in all kinds of situations
- Build that RAYA experience
- And one day you will recognize that the AHAVA flame has ignited
- This takes you down a road to the time when DODE comes along on your wedding night, when you are able to give all of yourself to the other person, not holding anything back
- Not having all kinds of images in your mind of former casual partners, of quick sordid actions in the dark
- Loving your partner with all your heart mind and soul
- Be patient, the day will come for you when you can meet the person of your dreams and have a huge bonfire relationship, when all three flames come together as one
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